i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
