I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
