who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
