I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize