this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
