Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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