i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
