The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize