Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
