I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
