I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
