he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
