dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
