did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
