they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize