I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
