I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The beer is more important than you right now.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
