i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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