Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize