babies were throwing up all over the place
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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