OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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