Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
