I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
