Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
