so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
