Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
