Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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