we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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