FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize