did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize