It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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