Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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