i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
