All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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