why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I am available for nakedness
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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