happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
did you just send me my own nude
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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