$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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