Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sorry my hands just texted you
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
