I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
