you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
