i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize