I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Randomize
