Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
