I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize