the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
