You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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