the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
