Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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