I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
