You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize