i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
