I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
