You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
