i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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