okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
