So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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