i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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