16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
