I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
