fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
