Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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