I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
