I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just want nice things and good sex
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
