I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
