she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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