her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
