My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize